


Sobbing

by VesperCat



Series: Adam Lambert One-Shots [11]
Category: Adam Lambert (Musician)
Genre: 1888, 1898, 1908, 1918, 1928, 1938, Alternative Universe - 1880, Alternative Universe - 1890, Alternative Universe - 1900, Alternative Universe - 1910, Alternative Universe - 1920, Alternative Universe - 1930, M/M, Time Skips
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-29
Updated: 2018-07-01
Packaged: 2018-08-11 20:25:36
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 2,905
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7906399
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/VesperCat/pseuds/VesperCat
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Why must you go?” He asks while clutching even harder on to Adam.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. January 1888

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> JD = John Doe = whoever you want.

“Why must you go?” JD asks while clutching even harder on to Adam.

”I need to go because my mother is sick in the country side,” answers Adam JD and gives him a tight squeeze.

The clock strikes eleven with a resonating sound in both lovers’ ears.

“I should be going,” tells Adam giving JD one last tight squeeze,” Take care of yourself.”

Reluctantly they have to let go of each other as Daniel, JD’s loyal butler walks in to bring news that the carriage for Adam has arrived.

Unlatching his pocket watch from his waist coat Adam gently places the watch in JD’s hand making JD curl his fingers around the cold silver metal. Crying a single tear as JD says goodbye to his only love in the gloomy light of the parlour, clutching the pocket watch close to him as Adam leaves.

~

Later in bed JD opens the silver pocket watch, seeing a picture in the dim light of the moon of him and Adam. Shutting the watch closed and holding the watch to his heart. Allowing or so he thought this one time to cry himself to sleep, passing the hours with tears flowing like water falls down his cheeks into the soft cotton of his pillow. Hoping that somehow the hurt and pain in the depths of his heart will disappear.

~~

Three weeks earlier

“He will be here shortly, sir,” Daniel says politely to Adam.

“Thank you, Daniel," replies Adam.

“Ah, mister Lambert," JD’s father says to Adam as he walks past him,” a word with you in my study please.”

Adam follows him to his study sits and on the chaise.

“You shall and will break off any ties to this household, especially with my only son,” JD ‘ father says, voice dripping venom, ”I will give you three weeks or I will see to it that you get a very nasty end."


	2. March 1898

JD didn't even know how he got onto the debutante's guest list but here he is, making small talk with some or other aristocrat's son.

A strange man, swirling a tumbler of golden amber liquid, joins the mostly one sided conversation. JD sweeps his eyes over the crowd but freezes when he catches sight of his reflection on one of the reflective dishing trays. He straightens his slumped shoulders and takes a moment to look over his outfit.

He rolled his eyes, remembering how Daniel gushed about his own work. His black and white pinstriped Henderson trousers hugged him perfectly; the vertical lines supposedly made him look a few centimetres taller. The red themed Paisley patterned vest was the only spot of colour in his bland, simplistic black and white ensemble.

A black Ascot and traditional cutaway coat with a classic red stained wood walking stick and a black top hat is safely packed in a cloakroom.

The half-forgotten conversation went nowhere to his liking anyway and JD has no interests in following it either, so he scouts the guests as entertainment. He frowns slightly when he catches sight of a tall silhouette lurking close but still remaining too far, effectively keeping his identity a mystery. Before JD could investigate the tall, mysterious figure, he slowly and subtly heads towards his assigned seat.

~

JD squints, focusing on the man. He absently slams the champagne flute on the table, almost breaking the stem with his unknowing brute force. JD moves his hand across his torso to the hidden, beloved pocket in his vest, gripping the slightly tarnished silver pocket watch.

JD didn't recognize him at first but then he remembers the then saddened blue-silver eyes. The firm line of his lips now taught with a smile, the almost invisible freckles showing.

There he is, sitting in a neat silver-gray double button vest with matching trousers. His tie is the same silver-gray but his knee length jacket is black with an emerald blue lining.

"Adam?" JD's whisper gets lost in the applause as the debutante enters.

~

"Daniel take tonight and tomorrow off,"

"Yes sir. Do you know when you will back?"

JD looks over to Adam getting into his carriage, "I do not know when I will be back. Probably not more than a day or two."

"Very well, sir. Good evening," And with that Daniel snaps the reigns and rides off. Adam's carriage stops in front of JD a couple of heartbeats later and he slowly bends his back as he joins his long lost lover in the carriage.

~

He doesn't even know what woke him up but he is. It does give him a chance to look around Adam's room in more detail. He pulls on a sheet to see if it's in use and he's lucky. Pulling roughly only causes Adam to sigh deeply in his continued sleep. Wrapping the sheet around himself he quickly finds the oil lamp and lights it.

The room plunges into a faint glow of yellow-orange, revealing some of their clothing neatly folded on the windowsill. And that's when JD notices the worn leather bound book that's kept closed with two stings tied into simple knots. Looking back over to Adam sleeping in their small shared bed, he looks to the journal then back to Adam for the last time and takes the book off the windowsill.

He carefully sets the lamp down next to his loved pocket watch and gingerly sinks onto the worn, creaky wooden floor boards. He slowly pulls the strings loose, one at a time to let the soft leather let go of envelops instead of pages. JD cautiously lifts the top envelope from its stack of similarly frayed friends and only sees his address with no return address on the back. He looks over to Adam again, not knowing why. Anxiously he opens the unsealed envelope and being very careful he brings the letter closer to the brass lamp.

"You wanted to stay,"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Co-wrote with a friend.


	3. May 1908

“Adam! Am I doing this right?!” JD shouts over the thumping roar of the motorcycle. The day Adam saw the advertisement of the Model 3 1/2 HP Norton in a newspaper somewhere, he just had to get the vehicle.

“Yes!” screams Adam running after JD down the dirt pathway. Pharaoh, Adam's medium sized, sandy tan coloured Basenji, is right on his heels.

“JD? JD!” screams Adam in a sudden panic. He picks up his pace towards the overturned motorcycle, his speed inspired by an unmoving JD.

Worry laced in Adam's voice as he strains, “Hey, come on. Come on. JD!” After getting the heavy motorcycle off of JD’s leg. His large hands cradling JD’s head and while Pharaoh is offering silent solace beside JD, opposite Adam. 

JD scrunches his face up in laughter, moving to lace his fingers with Adam's on the side of his head, “I think I should rather stay with my horses.”

“I go into a blind panic and you laugh in my face,”

“At least I know that you care about me,”

“When did I ever not care about you?”

“Twenty years ago, Daniel told me why,” JD says seeing Adam's face fall and look away, “but that was then this is now.”

“It does not matter anymore, Adam. You are here now,” JD consoles, moving his hand to cup Adam's cheek.

Standing up JD keeps the grimace on his face to a minimum so that Adam won't mother hen him, he'll put some ice on his slightly painful foot when checked later.

Adam pats his side to get Pharaoh to came with them, not that he won't come by himself.  
~  
_  
JD hears Adam groan sleepily in the dark, causing JD to swear in regret. Tentatively touching the black burnt edge of the yellow beige letter. Quickly re-folding the creased pieces of paper and returning them to their worn leather bound home. Rushing the letters back to the windowsill and getting back to the comforts of the shared bed, blowing out the Lilliputian fire._

_Feeling as if his heart is beating as fast as one of his race horses, he lays awake, clinging onto Adam's arm in the dark._

_~_

_"Are you going back to your manor?" asks Adam the next morning when JD wakes up._

_"Not yet, not that you are here now," JD says peaking over the decorative iron bed frame._

_"Nothing fancy," says Adam noticing that JD is trying to see what he is eating, "just some potatoes, coffee and bread."_

_"Just bread for me, thank you," JD says, walking between the two small beds in the room._

_"Here," says Adam, pushing his plate towards JD once he sat across the small table._

_"Thank you,"  
_

~  
“How long has he been dead?” questions Adam even though he can see the date on the headstone.

“A few months after you came back, Daniel found him hanging in the stables,” JD explains, “I think everything just became too much for him.”

“And your mother?”

“Consumption, I later learned when she had just disappeared the one day in my early youth,”

“Same as mine and then my father a few years later,” says Adam, sliding his warm hand into JD’s cold one.

“Now it is only I and you,” JD says, “and Daniel.”

“Yes, and Daniel,” says Adam smiling, placing a quick shy kiss on JD’s lips and tugging him towards the approaching Daniel, Pharaoh eagerly following. Away from the grey intricate moss covered headstones and through the black iron gateway, back to their house.  
~


	4. July 1918

"Here is your bed for the time being," Adam's 'manager' says, showing him to a worn out bed like structure in a dormitory.

"Thank you," says a tired Adam, placing his leather back pack on the bed.

~

A few days later he spots a familiar lone figure at the table across him. Hair greying at the temples, similar to his own. Also similar are the small wrinkles forming around his eyes and mouth. The button down shirt sitting slightly too loose on the thinning body, black suspenders keeping the probably also ill fitting pants up.

Adam stands up, taking his soup like substance and dried out bread with him.

"I... I do not want to bother you too long but you look very familiar,"

~

"Where's Daniel?" asks Adam knowing Daniel was always not too far away from JD.

"He died in an air raid the day we got separated,"

"Pharaoh?"

"The same. I can still see them not moving under some rumble," JD's voice distant and empty.

"How did you get here?" questions Adam, feeling the tears finally spill over.

"They invaded the village I went to after...," JD trails off, switching subjects with, "I am just very glad that you are here now," 

"So am I, maybe even more so," 

"What's this now?" a heavily accented voice booms close to the embracing pair.

They both relactendly let go of each other but keep close. Both feeling like children again being caught in the act of taking a sweet morsel from the kitchen. 

"We were close friends before the war started, officer," JD states his reply to the Officer in his native language, making Adam curious.

A second officer shouts, "Let them be, Schmidt," breaking the uncomfortable tension created by the question.

"Ah, good, good," the officer says and moves along the busy canteen.

JD sits down on the deteriorating wooden bench.

"Who is the-"

"Wilhelm Rouff, he lets me help at the library and post office, he is the one who taught me the language,"

Adam is slightly shocked because JD and this _Wilhelm Rouff_ are on first name bases and that JD actually found something that is not hard labour in the camp.

"Are you and him-"

"Are you jealous of a young German military man that is slightly taking more care of me?," JD asks in disbelief, "I did ask why once and he replied with that I remind him of his grandfather or something to that effect. And besides he has your pocket watch."

Adam decides now rather than later to tell JD why he came to this forsaken camp, in a war they both wanted to know nothing of. Feeling as if he's been made to drown a kitten, Adam musters up courage, "JD, I do not know how long I will here for. I am entertainment for the troops and camps, I sing them songs in words I do not understand." 

"Fate is forever dealing us bad cards," JD replies, returning to his cold soup.


	5. September 1928

A knock comes from the wooden door. JD slowly makes his way to the white painted door, walking cane in hand. Opening the door reveals a middle-aged man nervously waiting outside in the bricked pathway.

"Umm, this is JD's house, yes?" the man says with a heavy German accent.

JD regards the man cautiously, "Who wants to know,"

"I don't know if you remember me. I'm Wilhelm Rouff. I came to give this back," introduces Wilhelm himself, producing a slightly tarnished silver pocket watch.

"Are you managing- oh," starts Adam but stops as soon as he spots the silver watch reflecting in the afternoon sun.

Wilhelm extends his hand, the watch's chain dangles between his fingers. JD takes the sentimental accessory in his shaking hands. Clicking the watch open, revealing the watch's face and a almost completely white photograph. Gently moving his fingers over the ghost like figures inside the watch's case.

"I am- I am very sorry about the picture fading," 

JD takes deep breaths trying to calm himself down from the shock of getting Adam's pocket watch back after all the years of losing it in the war.

"Let's go inside," suggests Adam, turning JD to a nearby bench.

Once Adam has JD settled he asks Wilhelm, "Do you want to come inside?"

"It will take a while to find the taxi car again by now," says Wilhelm, taking his hat off and going inside after Adam makes way.

~

"It took me a very long time to find you," informs Wilhelm.

"Done so with reason," Adam responds, pouring tea infused hot water into a cup, "Labouchere Amendment,"

Wilhelm frowns, "What is-,"

Adam continues, "We can not be together or we will be prosecuted for "gross indecency". And JD will not survive hard labour."

"Oh," Wilhelm takes the offered cup, takes a sip from the hot liquid but instantly regrets it. Placing the warm ceramic on it's matching saucer. The small group falls into silence not knowing what to say.

JD breaks his trance and the silence with German, "All the money in world can not show my gratitude to you, Wilhelm, for returning such a earthly possession,"

"It feels wrong to have taken it in the first place," replies Wilhelm in English realising that Adam still doesn't understand his native tongue and gives the tea another attempt.

"How did you get here?" JD asks, Adam placing his hand on JD's knee and looking to his fully grey haired partner.

"With a- oh, well it started by getting lists of names and then, it's a good thing that JD is an unique name or it will have taken longer."

An aircraft's drone makes its way into the small house. JD tenses in his spot which doesn't go unnoticed by either brunette or grey haired man.

"Do you wake up in the night feeling that something bad will happen?" queries the German man, remembering his own bouts of anxiety and fear caused by the war.

"Sometimes, the war broke our idealic world into harsh reality,"

Just a clock makes itself known in the silence again.

"Wilhelm, do you want to stay with us for awhile?"

Wilhelm is overwhelmed by the proposition, looking between the elderly couple. Adam giving JD a scowl for his impulsive behaviour.

Wilhelm slips into German, "I will have to make arrangements first."

JD's excited smile is a tell all for Adam of the guest's answer.

~

"You do realise that Wilhelm isn't Daniel," questions Adam after Wilhelm left in the evening.

"Yes," JD answers and switches the bedroom's light off.


	6. November 1938

While making his way to the door Adam announces, "I'm going to JD,"

Wilhelm scrunches his news paper as he gets to the car keys before Adam.

"I'll take you," Wilhelm says sternly.

The drive to JD's estate is silent save for the car's rumblings.

Adam walks off to JD's grave while Wilhelm deals with the pleasantries of talking to the renting land owners. 

Once done Wilhelm gathers a reluctant Adam into the passenger side of the car and drives the rest of the way to the secluded graves.

Slowly climbing out of the car, Adam makes his way to the crumbling sandstone rock of his partner's parents and new granite slab of JD. Almost all the way to the heap of ground Adam stumbleds and the younger man quickly gets to older man's fallen body.

"No," sighs Adam, putting his hand out to stop Wilhelm from helping him, "come around later,"

Wilhelm just nods his head briefly in understanding and walks back to the car getting his handkerchief out.

Adam labours himself to JD's headstone, past the wilting wreath and props himself up against the side of the cold stone. Taking out a leather pouch overflowing with letters and cradling the ever present sliver pocket watch in his hand.

Tracing JD's engraved name whilst feeling his limbs tingle and then go numb. Closing his eyes to the replaced photograph in the pocket watch's case, Adam breathes in for the last time.


End file.
